My name is Trevor. Welcome to my work world. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ins and outs of a group of men that rarely watch what they’re saying. The names are ficticious, but the events and banter are real.
In August of 2007, I was hired on at a company named Cascadia Heights Construction. It’s a small outfit, only comprised on average of three people. We remodel homes in the Portland Metropolitan area of Oregon. The work we do is second to none, precise and eye pleasing. But, that’s not what makes Cascadia Heights special. It’s the group of workers that have assembled here at the firm. The stories told, the actions taken and the atmosphere are worth reading about. That’s enough babbling about the company. Let’s get to the good stuff. Let me introduce the cast.
The Boss: Juan G. When I first started working for Juan, I thought he was pretty uptight and generally pretty scary to be around. Considering the situation, I think I would’ve been too. He had six guys doing various jobs on the site and 550k on the line. Once the project was complete and we moved on to a couple other projects I saw a different side of G man. He was completely laid back and had a great sense of humor! I never would’ve dreamed up some of the stuff that we talk about. Oh, and if you’re thinking I call him G man because his last name starts with a G, you are sorely mistaken. For the record, it’s Gas Man. He possibly produces enough methane to generate energy for a moderate sized home.
The “Foreman”: Gooch G. Gooch is the type of guy that nobody forgets. It’s not for bad reasons either. The dude is intelligent, a stand up guy and at his root core, a hippy. Goose, as his friends call him, is no longer at the firm. It’s unfortunate that he is no longer with the company. He added a great dynamic to the story telling lunch time. Gooch, as I call him, has a book. It’s called Davisms. Made up words for items and hidden logic on random subjects. Davisms would be a guaranteed top seller if it ever went public. I think the only reason it hasn’t been published yet is because people’s heads might explode from laughter. That’s just my opinion though.
The Professional Bitch: Trevor L. “Yes me Lord” sums up my job. Juan’s wish is my command. Well, almost every command. I do have boundaries. I’m the dude that listens most of the time and tries to chime in at the right time to make a smart witted joke. It’s usually nowhere near as funny as Bill’s, Juan’s or Jay’s stories or comments, but I get a few in. I can usually be found sanding something, carrying something, painting something, cutting something, or massaging Juan’s balls. Wait, minus that last part. Remember, I do have boundaries Juan.
Uncle Bill: Bill. Bill has a last name. It’s just that I cannot disclose it at this time, as he’s on the witness protection program. Uncle Bill is undoubtedly my favorite character. Bill has two favorite things in life. In no particular order: Tools and the nudey beach. You see, this poor guy divorced his wife nearly five years ago. Ever since the blood sucking bitch stole his house and his money and his kids, Bill has been in a bit of dismay. So, what makes the Bill happy? Boobers. Bill doesn’t just call boobs, boobs. He calls them boobers. I believe his intention is to make them sound more innocent and less offensive. The Bill comes and goes from the job as he pleases, but is ALWAYS welcome due to his great personality and even better story telling. God bless The Bill.
Seasonal Help: Jay R. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Jay for one college summer vacation and two winter breaks to date. Jay is what many may refer to as A.D.D.. This kid was definitely the class clown. He can take it a bit overboard and on many occasions, purposely pushes the limits with Juan, but it’s always frickin’ funny. Jay’s full of random facts on anything from sex to lighting dumpsters on fire. He gives me just as much entertainment as Bill, only with a drunken modern twist. God Bless the Jay as well.
Now that the cast has been introduced, let the story telling begin. I’ll have at least weekly updates, most likely bi-weekly updates. Enjoy what goes on behind the scenes of your home being remodeled.
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